


first steps.

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, hi micah :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-27 15:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14429013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: well, not necessarily. but the first few steps to finally being whole again.





	1. I

Jake never expected his life to turn out like this. He remembered the day when his doctor

had sat by his hospital bed, cupping his hand - speaking so softly, but Jake's head was spinning

and could barely make out a word he said. But he knew. he knew what he meant, what he

said. "You might never walk again." 

and he doesn't know what to do with that. He takes a deep breath, at least, because maybe

this wouldn't be the end. But it surely felt like it. It felt like his life was falling apart

by the seams, a shattered glass that cant just be glued back together. this is the

stuff he read about on the news. the stuff he scrolled past on Instagram, sadly,

but he never took time to think about what he'd do if he was in that situation.

there was no way he could pay for it. his parents being gone, he was completely

alone. no money. no home. no nothing. not even a friend to rely on. all he has

is his shallow breathing, ringing in his ears. thats all he can hear. his loud, 

heavy breathing, which warped into hot tears that stung his skin. it was bad

enough half of his body was burnt - but now, with everything he has ever

known being ripped away from him.. he doesn't know what to do. 

He has to be in a wheelchair. Just the thought humiliates him. Maybe its the fact that

he will feel like an even bigger burden, or he will feel like he is trapped. He doesn't 

know. But all he wished right now, is that he could wake up in his room and go

to class, like that stupid party never happened. 

 

* * *

 

months pass. he cant seem to cope. 

physical therapy becomes apart of his daily routine, but at least now he has someone. Michael

Mell, the kid with a red hoodie from school. he was sweet. he listened to Jake.  he doesn't

know what more he could ever really ask for. if he asks for more, he will probably ditch.

Michael has already been driving him to and from his therapy sessions. he sat outside,

waiting, and he dealt with how pathetic and frustrated Jake was afterwards. 

Jake really owes it all to Michael Mell, the nice guy with the headphones, who also knew

what it was like to lose something.

 

but that was that. it was just something. Jake was entirely alone when it came to losing

everything.

 

* * *

 

 

pain was a very simple word, and it could be used to describe a number of things.

 

Jake couldn't sleep at night. he would wake up in a cold sweat, his skin burning, as the smell of

smoke filled his memory and he couldn't stop picturing the fire in his head again. how 

the smell of burning flesh and fire filled his house, how he kept running, despite the horrible, 

excruciating pain he felt in his legs and arms, how for a week, he couldn't see out of his right

eye. everything came back to him: all at once, like a calm ocean wave, turning into something

harsh and mean, something that smacked down onto the sand before washing over him, a

tidal wave of his own emotions.

 

Jake couldn't think of that convenience store anymore, or the one sidewalk by Elliot. he couldn't

think of the alleyway by the apartments downtown, or the sidewalks by the run-down motel

on the west side. all of those places held significance to him, he could remember every single

detail, vividly. and it was fucked up. because Jake never, ever had a good memory. Never.

 

* * *

 

 

Jake Dillinger thinks, for a second, he was in love with Michael Mell.

 

But no, that couldn't be right. Because nothing ever goes right in his life. Because Michael

will leave him just like his parents, just like Christine and Rich, just like Brooke and Chloe.

Jake couldn't be in love, because it felt so nice. it was a soft emotion that Jake wasn't entitled to.

something Jake would never be able to feel again. Happiness. What a depressing, now

distant concept to him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buh

it was the hospital visits, it was the texts, it was the gossip. thats what

reduced jake to a shivering, crying mess, ontop of michaels bed, 

because he had absolutely nowhere else to be, nowhere else to go.

and he couldn't believe this is what he was doing - crying, shaking

like an absolute wimp. but thats what he was, he was cowardly, he was

everything you could think of, about a person you absolutely didnt

want to be. thats what he was. he used to be the epitome of the

american dream, the golden-boy dillinger, talented at almost everything,

everything but knowing what the fuck will come next, everything but

knowing what he should do to make this right, everything but being

okay.

 

he was good at everything that didnt matter at all.

 

* * *

 

 

he guesses, 

because he didnt have a squip, because he didnt ruin his 

"best friends" life, because he didnt have a tragic backstory -

he didnt matter. 

its not like he- its not like he spent weeks on the streets, 

bumming at random peoples houses, walking on his broken legs

until he shattered the bones. its not like he fell so deep into a

depressive episode that he got drunk enough to last him for 

days, everything was blurry and his head hurt and he fell asleep,

and almost didnt wake up. its not like he did drugs with random

people, laughing at what he used to be, laughing at the fact

that he thought they cared.

 

* * *

 

 

michael came home and they held hands. he was so warm,

compared to jakes depressingly cold palms, he was so

shaken, his hands couldnt stay still, but michael told him

it was okay. he told him it would all be fine, he would get

past this.

 

but jake knew better. because thats what his parents said-

thats what rich said, thats what

 

chloe said.

 

* * *

 

 

jakes legs ache,

as he stood from the bed. michaels bed,

his legs ached, a tingling feeling,

as he walked to the window

for the first time.


End file.
